Monday, April 23, 2007

I hung out with 2 friend's yesterday and really wanted to tell them about my current pregnancy. L's husband can't keep a secret though and S's husband is my boss. I am currently in an acting position and soon they will be hiring for the position permanently. He knows that when I have kids, I would like to stay home and I am worried that he won't do the hiring for that position until later. It isn't a huge deal, if I got hired permanently I would get a small raise. It would be much better though if I decided I want to come back when our kids our older.

I saw K yesterday too. I feel a little dishonest not having told her about my pregnancy yet. Her husband is out of town for the next 10 days so I don't want to tell her until he is back. She really should be the first person in our group of friends to know. I am not sure how to tell her. I have thought about going to lunch together, but I don't want to upset her in public. It seems like something too personal to tell over the phone or in an e-mail. I don't want to tell her something that might upset her at her house, and if I invite her to mine, I don't want her to feel trapped.

K has endometriosis really bad and it took over a year for her to conceive her first child. Then she lost him at 37 weeks. She is now struggling to conceive again. She has confided in me a lot of emotions and struggles partly because I sort of understand her loss better than some of her friends who have not lost a baby. I feel like her loss is probably more difficult since she was so close to her due date, but it is hard to say for sure. When I had my miscarriage, she felt like it was partly her fault, like there was something wrong with her that caused people to lose their babies. The fact that I am aware of her struggles makes it more difficult for me to feel comfortable sharing with her my pregnancy. I don't want her to avoid me, but I can understand if she does.

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On a different note, M went home about noon today and Chica was gone. The gate to the backyard was closed and both of our other dogs were there. This morning I found her a good home where she would get the attention she deserves. M thinks one of the neighbor kids from across the street took her, but we aren't sure. He had to be somewhere this afternoon and didn't have time to figure it out. Although we were trying to find her a new home, I am torqued this happened.

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