Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Counseling

Today is a good day. I figured out how to do links, yeah! I am removing the PAM support link from the sidebar because the site has been available sporadically lately. I guess they are having server issues. If they ever fix them, I will add them back.

Yesterday M and I had another counseling session, and it went really well. Initially I was unsure how much counseling would help after talking to a couple of other people who had experienced a type of loss. They said that they spent each session rehashing everything that happened and never focused on healing. My experience has been different than that.

I found the counselor through hospice. I am not sure if it is the same everywhere, but it was free in my area. She was an oncology nurse for several years before receiving her master's in social work. I called hospice after trying 3 other places and not being comfortable with 2 of the counselors and 1 having inconvenient hours.

We did give the counselor some background and she asked us how we felt about certain things, but she did not make us relive our experience. She just asked enough so that she would know where we were coming from. After the first session, I was unsure if we should continue or not. I am glad we did.

What helped is that someone else was able to see our progress between appointments. I have been feeling better, but didn't know if I was just feeling complacent with the new me. It helped to be held accountable. M told me that it seemed like reading all the books on miscarriages was not helping. I didn't quit reading them though because I just knew the right book would heal me. When the counselor suggested I only read happy, light reading, I did because I knew she would ask about it at the next appointment. It really helped hearing from a professional that it is OK to be sad and grieve our loss. I had read that, M said it, I knew it, but for some reason I still felt bad about it. We have another appointment in a month, but she said if we don't feel like we need it, just give her a call and we will postpone awhile. She is available if we need it, but she isn't going to force us to keep coming.

I also appreciated it when I told her about my phone call from Ann. She burst out laughing and said she thought that was really strange. I did think it was strange, but I guess I thought I was a bad person for thinking that way.

If you have experienced ANY type of death of a friend or family member and want counseling, I highly recommend hospice. A lot of people think they only deal with cancer patients, but they don't. The hospice in my area offers many support groups and counseling for those who have experienced: a miscarriage, loss of a child, friend/family member committed suicide, those who have lost a parent, those who have lost a spouse, and I am sure there are more. The link below will help you find the hospice in your area, and there are some international listings as well.
Find your local hospice

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