Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Healing

The wedding was wonderful. It was even better to see my family. My niece Joy is so much fun to be around. She will be 6 next month and is just full of energy. There is not much in the world that feels better than when a child wraps their arms around you and lays their head down on your shoulder. I wish I could have brought her home with me.

My mom gave me a stroller, an infant car seat, a regular car seat, 2 infant seat bases, a snugglie, and some of my baby stuff. One of the things was a box of my sister's, my brother's, and my baby stuff. When she married my dad, she taped up the box and put it aside just knowing it was baby stuff. I enjoyed sorting through it with my brother. I had a baby book that I didn't know about. It was neat learning that I walked at 9 months and my favortie phrase was, "diddle-diddle". I am assuming from the nursery rhyme. Ann never seemed like the mothering type so to have that book was really special.

When I was out of the room Mom was asking M if it was too soon for me to see all the baby stuff. M said that it was probably a little hard but since we most likely would not see them again until after the baby was born, that it made the most sense. I walked in during the middle of their conversation and as Mom recapped it for me and I got teary eyed. It felt so good getting a hug from my Mom. I just really needed that comfort. In a way it sort of validated my feelings.

My aunt, grandma, and brothers are all really excited about the baby. It felt really good to have people excited. It made everything feel more real to me. On the 9 hour drive home, I was able to start thinking about names, what we need for the baby, and how I would like to decorate the baby's room. I think everyone else's excitment really helped me. I don't think I am cured, but it felt good to think about the baby like he or she will really be here someday.

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