Tuesday, May 8, 2007

K's story

This is the neat story from K. I have changed the names to protect identities. She sent this to all our friends from church. I must say she and her husband are amazing people.

Hi everyone, thank you again for your continued support, cards, calls and hugs. Most days I don't feel like we're getting any "better" so your persistent support is greatly needed and greatly appreciated. Anyway, I thought I'd share with you an encounter I had the other day that made a big impression on us and just shows that God is big enough to work good in any situation.

I went to a monthly parents' support group this past Tuesday for people who have lost babies at any stage of pregnancy. It has been a safe haven and a place where I can actually feel normal again, among others who share my experience. Sometimes, the coordinator brings along labor and delivery nurses to the sessions just to better prepare them for what they may have to help a couple through someday. There was a girl there that looked vaguely familiar to me so I talked to her afterwards.

Her name was Jessica, and she had been the nurse that helped me deliver Joshua. She was there through it all, from the moment we listened for, but did not hear the heartbeat, to saying goodbye to him the last time. She was even there, I didn't know this until then, when they dressed him for burial and carefully wrapped soft blue blankets around him so he would be warm and comfortable. It was comforting for me, in a way, to know that she held him and loved on him and respected him even after he was gone to us.

She started out saying " I don't know if I should tell you this or not and I don't know how" I was prepared for something scary. I don't know what. But she told me about how she and her husband had tried unsuccessfully for five years to get pregnant and have a child. They had spent a lot of money with no results and to add insult to injury she had to help deliver babies every day as her job and yet she was never blessed with the same experience. They had talked about adoption and finally decided that the possibility of the adoption not going through at the last minute was more than they could handle so they had resigned themselves to being a childless couple.

Then she told me how that night she took care of me and encouraged me while I delivered a silent baby to the world, she realized there were no guarantees. We loved him, we did everything right and were so careful and so close, and still he died. She said that she was amazed at our relationship and how we took care of each other during that time. She said she just really admired us for facing what we were faced with. That was what surprised me because I know that I didn't feel strong or anything during the whole experience. I felt completely broken and weak, and yet she still saw Christ in us and our love for each other. Wow. She told me that she thinks about us and Joshua, she remembered his name without me even saying it, all the time and that we really changed her life.

Anyway, she told me that she went home that night that she had helped deliver Joshua, talked with her husband, and that night they decided to sign papers to adopt little twins, a boy and a girl. They knew there was a chance it wouldn't work out. But now they are about six weeks old and they are so happy with their new little family. And she said it was us and Joshua that helped her reach that decision.

Anyway, I don't tell you all this to say, oh look at us, look how amazing we are. No! We were huddled in a dark room, puffy-eyed and sleep-deprived with our world torn out from under us. If anyone saw God in us that night, it was not because of anything we said or did, it was because he put it so strongly on their hearts that they could not ignore it even in the midst of tears and hopelessness on our part.

And I also don't want you to think I'm saying "this is why Joshua died, this was God's plan to find these two other little ones a good home". I don't believe that God "took" Joshua, I believe that death and Satan did if anyone, and I don't think we will ever find out "why". There is no "why" on earth that would make it worth it. But I am amazed that God walked in there right amidst the evil of death and despair and said "Watch this Satan. You took one baby, but I'm going to save two and give them loving caring homes because of this."

Do I think that's fair that now she has two and I have none? No, but I rejoice with her that there are two little ones that now have a loving mom and dad that may have been alone if it weren't for us coming into the hospital that night and holding onto our God. Praise God that he works in all situations and weaves little glimmers of good and hope even in the midst of so much bad!

Just thought you'd like to know! --K


Tina said...

Wow, this letter was very powerful! How this nurse saw K and her DH that night is amazing. It was so nice of you to share this - and even more important that all of read it.

Monica H said...

You visited my blog a few weeks ago and I am returning the visit :)

Thank you for posting this, I needed it. I now have a better understanding of God's love.