Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Yeah, vacation!

Vacation starts tomorrow and boy do I need one!

The day I have dreaded more than usual is coming up. Hopefully the cruise line will ignore it. I have hated mother's day for years. When I was 7, my biological mom left the day before mother's day. I didn't hear from her for a few days. Ever since then I only hear from her sporadically and always associate mother's day with her leaving. She has bipolar disorder and has been doing really well for the last 2 or 3 years, but we still are not that close. Fortunately my dad remarried a wonderful woman who stepped into the mother roll for me. I love her dearly and can't imagine a life without her. Last year I wrote a card forgiving her (biological mom) and asking her to forgive me for the anger I had for many years. It wasn't easy, but mother's day was much better. This year, I would have been 21 weeks pregnant. My belly would have been showing. I am pregnant again, but still mourning the loss of the first baby.

Last night I had the tough conversation with K. She took it really well considering. Today she sent me an e-mail thanking me for considering her feelings. She said it has hit her harder than she thought it would, but she appreciated me being sensitive to her. I was relieved to have that conversation over with. I hope her husband gave her a big hug!

If you are the praying type, say a prayer for me on Monday. That is the day I will be 10 weeks pregnant. I lost my last pregnancy at 10 weeks. Nothing has been the same so far, so I am guessing I will make it fine. If for some reason it isn't fine, I would prefer the comfort of an American hospital. I really want to enjoy that day and not be consumed with fear.

I will not be posting for a few days because I will be enjoying the sun of the Bahamas.


The Town Criers said...

Have a wonderful vacation! I hope the 10-week mark passes by with thoughts for the other baby as well as smiles for this new baby. I'll be thinking of you guys on Monday.

I am so sorry about your mum. I imagine it changes the view of Mother's Day forever.

mandolyn said...

I hope you have a fantastic time! I'll be thinking of you Monday and hoping that it passes blissfully and uneventfully.