Tuesday, June 5, 2007

New Blog and a slap in the face

When I started this blog, it was because I was having difficulty finding personal stories of people who experienced a miscarriage. I wanted to start something that might help others. In order to help keep the original purpose, I have started a new blog, Raspberry Chip, to share ordinary things. I have only reserved the spot so far, and nothing is there yet, but hopefully it will be soon. In case you are wondering, the title comes from my favorite flavor of ice cream at my favorite ice cream shop.
My slap in the face came when I opened my e-mail for the account that I use for contests or to sign up for newsletters. Back at the beginning of my first pregnancy, I signed up for a personalized newsletter from my hospital about my pregnancy. It was supposed to go out each week and have information in it about my current stage of pregnancy. After I miscarried I thought I removed myself from all pertinent mailing lists and I did not sign up for any with this pregnancy. I never received the newsletter from my hospital, and forgot about it until today. I thought it was strange that I was just now receiving it, but stupid me, I opened the message instead of deleting it.

I wasn't thinking or maybe I thought it would be about my current pregnancy. The message said in bold letters with a fancy graphic, "This week your baby is 25 weeks". It went on to tell about the development and told me I have been feeling her move for awhile now. Actually, I never felt that baby move, but it was just a generic e-mail, so it doesn't know my situation. I can't believe I would have been that far along. I know it isn't ideal, but there are babies born at 25 weeks who have survived.

Tomorrow I have an ultrasound scheduled to look at the development of the neck. I think it is to screen for Downs syndrome and spinal bifida. I can't remember what the doctor told me. I originally was not going to do the screening because I don't want to spend the next 6 months worrying. Then I realized I am going to worry anyway. This way I will get to see my baby and hear the heartbeat one more time, alleviating some of my worry. If there is something wrong, I will have 6 months to learn everything I can and be better prepared.

I was going to go to the appointment alone, but I have been really emotional the last 2 or 3 days. So M is going to come to the appointment just in case. I know all pregnant women are emotional, but the day before my miscarriage I was extremely emotional in a way that was abnormal for me. That is kind of how I have felt the past couple days. I have no bleeding or other signs, but I still worry that maybe I am emotional because I am going to lose this baby too.
On a positive note, all the puppies now have their eyes open and they are starting to walk instead of scoot on their bellies. They are adorable!


chicklet said...

Oh man, those emails are the worst! I haven't gone through what you have, but when we first started TTC I signed up for everything baby, and month after month, they all arrive right along with AF just to slap me a little harder. Good luck with the appointment, hang in there.

Tiffany said...

I know how you feel. I am much more emotional this pregnancy-and I think it has a lot to do with the fear of losing another baby. I can say it does get easier as you progress through your pregnancy-the fear never leaves but it does get easier to control your emotions.