Friday, June 22, 2007

Update on how to acknowledge a miscarriage

I received a new comment on an old post and thought I would update it. The original post, How to Acknowledge a Miscarriage, was written shortly after my miscarriage.

M and I have come up with a way to honor that first baby. When I initially found out I was pregnant, I started writing letters to the baby. They weren't much, just telling the baby what was going on in our lives and how excited we were. After the miscarriage we independently wrote a letter expressing our frustration. We have decided to bury these letters in the box that we carried our baby to the hospital in. We are going to bury them at M's grandfather's grave.

It is a couple hour drive and we don't know the rules about taking a shovel to the cemetery so I am not sure when we are going to do it, but it is nice to know that we will be able to do something to bring us closure. Even though we do not have our baby to bury, we do have something symbolic.

11 comments:

Tina said...

Wow, what a powerful way to remember your angel and to give you closure. I hope you can bury that box at the cemetery... Keep us posted on when you do it.

And, I hope it really brings you some peace.

hestiahomeschool said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby.

One of the ways that helped me to heal was to name the baby. I also made Christmas ornaments for each lost baby and planted a tree for each one. Your idea sounds wonderful.

love, Kas

http://journals.aol.com/hestiahomeschool/HomeschoolingJournal/

Kim Hosey said...

You don't know me, but I just miscarried and was looking around for ideas as to how to honor the baby we lost. I think this is a wonderful idea. Thanks for your postings.

mandolyn said...

I absolutely think that having something to remember your baby by helps. It did for me. I have a box with things I wrote, cards, and a tiny sweater that I knitted. I put a penny in the box on my would-be due date and plan to add one every year...that way I'll never forget.


I hope you get to bury your box at the cemetary just as you'd like to. I think that's a perfect way to honor your angel.

ultimatejourney said...

Thanks for leaving an encouraging comment on my blog. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. I love your idea for remembering your angel.

Chris said...

What a beautiful way to remember. When we found out about my miscarriage Brian collected up all baby related stuff around the house (ultrasounds, cards, books, trinkets) and stashed them someplace. I don't even know where they are. Thanks for sharing your heart.

Carlynn said...

What a good idea. Well done for finding a way to honour your lost baby, and I like the idea of writing letters every month. It is wonderful that have found a way of using them to commemorate your baby, I would just look at them and be sad. Thank you for passing on your idea.

Trish said...

I think it's a beautiful idea. Both writing the letters & burying them. My grandmother often plants flowers & does other things that require digging around her mother's grave and so far no one has questioned it..

KarenO said...

I do hope you get closure by doing something so beautiful. I'm more than 12 years past my first miscarriage and even though the pain isn't as fierce as it was back then, I miss my child even more today. Will be thinking of you!

Ruta said...

That's a wonderful idea -- I'm so happy you found a way to remember the baby!

olivegirl said...

That is so beautiful. It's been difficult for me to put my miscarriage into perspective because of the whole rollercoaster ride that is IVF. Reading your experience helps me understand my own.