Friday, June 29, 2007

Weird Dream

Early this morning I had a weird dream. It felt real until I woke up.


I dreamed I had the baby this weekend. For some reason we didn't think it was weird even though the baby was something like 23 weeks early. I was not concerned about the development, only that we had not bought any onesies yet.

Fortunately Babies R Us was conveniently attached to the hospital. Immediately after giving birth I was shopping for onesies and socks. I thought I had a boy so I was selecting all blue and white things. Later I went to the back of the hospital to this empty room except for a metal table and 2 nurses. My baby was laying in the center of the table dressed in pink. I was really confused when they told me I had a girl. I just thought, OK, I guess the girl will wear blue then. I never tried to hold or touch the baby and it didn't seem to bother me that she was laying on the hard table. Then I noticed the paperwork and it said "Baby born dead". I was really upset that no one had told me and by the harshness of the words. The nurse told me that she thought I knew since the baby was so early.

M and I left the hospital and decided it was time to adopt. We got into the car, drove off and never gave the baby another thought. I didn't cry or anything. It was so strange.

It is the first time I have dreamt about this baby and it was such a morbid dream. I guess I am just really scared to lose this baby too.

2 comments:

Tiffany said...

I know how you feel. I am so scared of losing this baby. I am now 34 weeks and even though everything is going great and the baby is moving great I know it can all turn bad in a heartbeat. And I just don't know if I could handle losing another baby-especially after coming all this way. I think I am more scared than ever. Last time I went to the Dr.'s office I was hoping there would be protein in my urine so he would go ahead and send me to the hospital. I know it is horrible but the thought of having to wait 4-6 more weeks is just killing me. So much can go wrong in 4-6 weeks!

Sorry I know this is no help to you-other than maybe knowing you are not alone in your fears.

I pray that your baby will continue to grow strong and healthy. good luck to you both.

Rachel said...

Tiffany,

I don't have your e-mail so I can't reply to you directly, but I hope the next few weeks go well. The nice thing about being 34 weeks is that your baby is now viable and can survive if you go into labor. I hope everything goes well for you.

Rachel