Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Wednesday

Yesterday I bragged about how much better I am feeling about this pregnancy. I am still feeling happy and excited. I have been feeling the baby move for 2 or 3 weeks now, but I have not been sure if it was the baby, gas, digestion, or just random muscle spasms. Last night I was laying in bed and I felt what I definitely think was the baby 3 different times. I have also been feeling him this morning. That helps a lot.

I also grieved for the first baby last night. I was watching TV and the mother on the show was talking about holding your child for the first time and being worried if she could do everything right. I started crying because the first time I held the first baby, he was already gone. Even though I probably didn't do anything wrong, I wondered if there was something I could have done differently. M was at a friend's house so I called him and asked him to come home. He is such a good husband, he didn't even ask why, he just told me he was on his way. I love him so much.

I guess it is OK to be happy about one baby and sad about the other. I can't imagine what the parents of the sextuplets in MN are feeling right now. She had 6 babies and has lost 4 of them the last I heard. I know that they are happy about the 2 remaining babies, and worried about their health at the same time. I also know they must really be grieving for the four children they will never get to know.

4 comments:

Chris said...

It is more than OK to be happy about one baby and sad about another. I expect that those feelings will be with you for a long time, if not forever. It may help if you come to expect to feel that way, then you won't be so caught off guard when the feelings catch up with you. I'm continuing to pray for you for peace and a healthy pregnancy.

Melanie said...

I think the biggest question out of a miscarriages is "what if". I am still struggling with it, I probably always will. I'm glad you are feeling him kick. I'm sure it does help you tremendously to know he's there and he's healthy.

ultimatejourney said...

I haven't lost a baby, but with other types of losses, the feelings have caught up to me at unexpected times. I hope you are able to find peace.

chicklet said...

I haven't gone through it but I think it's ok to be both sad and happy - there's gotta be so much mixed emotion with all of it. I can't imagine. Hang in there.