Friday, September 14, 2007

Sad news (about a friend)

On January 25, I sent this message to M. It was exactly 1 month before we lost our baby.


I am really consumed with C & C losing their baby. I have a sick feeling in my stomach. Like a knot caused by stress. All the online stuff says there is a 10-25% chance of miscarriage and if it happens before 14 weeks it is almost always due to an abnormality. It is just really bothering me especially after Z & M and M & K lost their babies.

I know there is nothing I can do, but I can't help but sit here and wonder if I am taking care of myself properly. Also, I am not sure if I could handle it if something happened. I love you.

M responded:
1) I know that we could handle it together. God would give us the strength.
2) 10-25% means that every time another baby is lost improves our chances for NOT losing ours, not the other way around...I'm not trying to be cold-hearted, I'm just looking at the probabilities, and they are in our favor right now.
3)You ARE taking care of yourself properly, you always do. You take better care of yourself when you aren't pregnant than most people EVER do

Unfortunately we did lose the baby. I don't even know what prompted me to write that, I had only known I was pregnant for a week and had no indication something was wrong. M was right that we could handle it.

2 or 3 weeks ago I found out that C & C were expecting again. They did not tell their other children about this pregnancy even after the 5 year old said to his mom, "Mom, your belly is getting fat, is there a baby in there?" I saw her on Sunday and she already had a rounded pregnancy belly. The kids had known about the last pregnancy and it was hard to tell them the baby had died.

Yesterday, C & C lost this baby too. She was 14 weeks and everything had been going well. I found out while at work and almost had to go home. I don't understand why this family is not allowed to have another child. Yes, they have 3 children already. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be blessed with a 4th child. Her first 3 pregnancies were all uneventful. Now she has to lose 2 babies while in the 2nd trimester? She doesn't deserve that!


Anonymous said...

I don't know you but I hope you don't mind that I share with you a little something about me. I had a miscarriage in May 2007. I had to have a D and C. It was the most frightening time in my life. I was 12 weeks along. He said we could try again and so we did. I got pregnant but that too ended in miscarriage in August 2007. I miscarried naturally with that one. Now, I am numb. I am sad. I can't seem to smile much these days. I have two sons from a previous marriage and a 17 month old baby girl from my second marriage. I wanted to give our daughter a sibling but I fear I may not be able to now. I have not had my period yet. I may be pregnant but I don't want to take the test to find out. I'll just wait it out and if I get my period, I won't have to know whether it's a miscarriage or my period. If I don't take the pregnancy test, I will think it is just my period. Losing a child is heartbreaking.

Brandy said...

I am so, so sorry for your friends. I know how hard an early miscarriage was, I can't imagine making it into the 2nd trimester and then losing a baby. Your friends are in my thoughts and prayers.

SaraS-P said...

That is indeed unfair and heartbreaking.

Melanie said...

That's very sad. I know how hard it is to lose a child early and I can't imagine losing two children in the second trimester. It's very sad and unfair.

Geohde said...

Nobdy deserves it. I am so sorry to hear of your friend's loss.



Artblog said...

I agree with you totally, its so sad for your friend. HUGS

Sarah said...

oh god, that is so awful. i'm so sorry. i know this doesn't make things better and i wish neither of you knew this pain, but i'm glad you have each other to listen and understand.

niobe said...

How terribly sad. It seems impossible to understand why these things happen.

Manda said...

I had the same feelings when I was pregnant. There was this nagging in the back of my mind that I tried to just push down. When the doctor told us there was no heartbeat it was so unreal. I knew it was true but I still wanted to die. It's so unfair. I hate this.
I am so sad for your friends. How awful to be to the point where you can't tell your kids because you're afraid, and then to lose it and not have good news to make it better. They are in my prayers.