Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Slightly Emotional

So I have pretty much been crying way more than normal. I cried most of Friday and Saturday. Sunday and yesterday it was just off and on. M keeps asking what it wrong and all I can say is everything. Everything is making me cry.

I cry because I grabbed the wrong ingredient out of the cabinet. I cry because I am sad about other people losing their babies. I cry because I am hungry, I cry because I ate too much. I cry because I look fat. I cry because the baby kicked me in the rib. I can't seem to stop. I am sure that it is pregnancy hormones but I feel like a freak. I am trying hard to be rational but it just doesn't seem possible. I guess the zoloft was helping a lot more than I thought it was.

On Saturday at the grocery store I ran into someone I knew. She asked how the baby's room was coming and I told her it still pretty much looked like a storage room. She asked if I was getting excited and I started crying. I told her I was but that it was really hard. She knows about the miscarriage, but I don't know her well enough for her to know the extent of my grief.

I saw Mr. C. Saturday night, he looked really distraught. Both M and I gave him a big hug and offered to bring them a meal or to watch their kids so he and Mrs. C can have some time alone. He said right now Mrs. C. is really angry and trying to focus on everything except the loss. I can identify with that. I really hate that they lost their baby.

Yesterday prior to my doctor's appointment I was convinced something was wrong with the baby. I had woken up about 3am to go to the bathroom and when I sat up I felt this tearing feeling in my lower abdomen. It hurt really bad! After that I didn't feel the baby move again until the middle of my appointment. I just knew my baby was dead. I relaxed after they found the heartbeat. The doctor said the pain was either round ligament pain or the baby kicking a nerve. I didn't find that very comforting, but I am glad the little guy is OK.


Elizabeth said...

I'm glad too!!
Emotions are what they are - hope you find your consolation.

Melanie said...

I hope you feel better. But you are right, going off of anxiety meds certainly doesn't help but it's better in the long run. I'm also glad your scare turned out to be good news.

kiLikiNa said...

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through to so much emotions. But, look at it this way.... The little guy is still safe, strong and kicking in your womb. So, dwell on that and I hope you'll feel better.

Sarah said...

i've had the exact same pain, it's the one that drove me to buy the stupid HR monitor. very normal.

everything you're feeling makes so much sense. between PG hormones, your friends' loss, and your loss, that's a lot for anyone to deal with. only way out is to go through it, and it sucks, but i hope you make peace with it soon.

Manda said...

Glad the baby is ok! This is such a crazy thing to go through. My husband and I are see-sawing about whether to start trying again this month and I don't know what to do. We miscarried in July. Any advice?

Geohde said...

I'm glad the baby is ok, sorry that you're so fragile feeling right now.