Thursday, October 11, 2007

I am getting better...

How do I know? Little things help. Last night at church we were talking about prayer. In the new testament, John 15 for example, we are promised that God listens to and answers our prayers. I used to love those verses but since February I have grown to hate those verses because I feel like God rejected me when we lost our baby. Last night though, I was able to listen to the speaker and not cry. I still don't understand how those verses apply to me, but for once I was able to not focus on my individual situation. My faith has definitely been tested, but I do still have faith.

We bought a crib. Actually we had a crib we found on craigslist, but now we have a different one. Yesterday while searching for a hat for little guy to come home from the hospital in, we found a crib we like better. I was able to picture him in his crib, in his room and not be sad.

As we receive/ buy clothes for little guy, I am washing them. When some came through the laundry last night, I was excited thinking about him wearing those clothes some day.

I have been doodling his name. I call him by name when I pray, and it seems OK.

I have a list of who the birth announcements will be sent too.

I have a plan for who we will call, and when, once I go into labor and after he is born.

These are all little steps, but 3 months ago, I would never had imagined I would be feeling this much better.

4 comments:

Elizabeth said...

little by little! Glad for you.

kiLikiNa said...

one day at a time.... i think our pregnancy days are longer because we worry so much. even my OB told me not to worry if not it'll seem like a long time and days were pass slower. but, we can't help it. however, i'm glad we're both getting better each day.

Chris said...

Step by step! Good for you! So glad you are able to do these things now.

Sarah said...

congratulations rachel, those sound like HUGE steps to me!