Friday, November 9, 2007

Random Ranting

Last night a complete stranger asked my husband and me if I was having twins. We were walking across the parking lot and he yelled it from his car. When we responded no, he said, "it's gonna be a whopper then." Gee, thanks.

Also yesterday I stopped by some "friends'" office from my building. One commented that I looked nice then another girl told me my sweater didn't fit very well. I actually felt pretty good about how I looked. Later the same girl told me how she and her husband had seen me crossing the street and he, not recognizing me, told her I looked huge. Again, thanks.

I realize I am pregnant. I realize I want to be pregnant and have a child. I realize my body changes are for a good reason. None of that changes the fact that I am still an insecure person with body image issues. Seeing that number on the scale go up at every visit is really hard. It is way higher than it has ever been in my life. Seeing the swelling in my face and ankles, makes me feel even bigger than I am.

I am worried about the amount of weight I have gained (about 40 pounds), and how much more I may gain in the next 4 weeks. My doctor is pleased with the weight gain especially since I was on prednisone for 2 months, but I think it's too much. I wonder if the weight will all come off, and how long it will take. I am already trying to figure out when I can exercise again for real. I know it is going to take time and it will take awhile before I have the energy to exercise.

M keeps reminding me that no one has vicious intentions when they make comments. I understand that in my head, but not in my heart. When you aren't pregnant, people generally keep their thoughts about your looks to themselves. For some reason being pregnant allows them to speak without thinking first.
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My biological mom sent me an e-mail forward today about being thankful for the thorns in our lives. The main person in the e-mail had lost a baby in a car accident and throughout the e-mail was told about others who became thankful for bad things that happened to them. I am sure she (Ann) wasn't trying to be insensitive, but I really am not ready to be thankful for losing my baby. She sent it to several people along with the comment that she had been feeling down lately and knew she had stuff to be thankful for. I guess the whole lost baby thing didn't register when she forwarded me the message. I don't really know how to respond, normally I don't. I am tired of her hurting my feelings, and even if this is not as bad as other things she has done, I feel like maybe I should tell her it did hurt.
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I am proud of myself for stopping a belly rub yesterday. The girl who rubbed my belly during my shower tried to do it again yesterday. I grabbed her arm and told her, "Don't rub my belly, you don't want me rubbing yours." Of course when she was pregnant she happened to like people rubbing her belly so she didn't really relate. That isn't what matters though. What matters is that I don't want her touching my belly and I stood up for myself. Yeah!

12 comments:

Brandy said...

I always made my opinions extremely clear about belly rubbing. If you don't ask first then you don't touch! If I wasn't pregnant then you wouldn't be touching. Everyone I know (even my closest friends who I wouldn't mind rubbing my belly in a million years!) asked first. There were a lot of times I said, sure I don't mind. There were other times at church that I felt surrounded and claustrophobic and the last thing I wanted was people touching me. Good for you for telling her NO - it's your body and definitely your right. :-)

Christyna said...

A few things for you.
I am fairly small and I gained almost 50lbs with my son, I thought it was too much, they assured me it was normal.

The swelling happened to me the same way ankles hands face I didn't recognize myself (i thought something must be wrong, it wasn't), it will go away within 2 weeks of delivery, just an uncomfortable pain in the butt.

and I was induced, the contractions are faster and closer together than with the beginning of a normal labor. You forget all about them once the baby is there, I swear it. It is and will all be worth it.

I just finished reading ALL your posts and you've come SO far. Thank you for sharing all of this with people. It helps a lot, I hope it has helped you as much as it has the ones reading. Sending you luck & happiness.

kiLikiNa said...

So far, I have no one rubbing my belly yet. I wonder whether it will ever happen and what I would've done if it does. But yeah, thumbs up to you for standing up for yourself. :)

Elizabeth said...

Whew, what a minefield! You are showing grace under pressure.

Geohde said...

Good on you for defending your abdomen.

As for the weight gain thing, people just don't think. No woman ever wants to hear that people think she's HUGE. I mean, come on, it's rude :)

J

Sarah said...

what is wrong with people? sheesh!

Monica H said...

Good for you! for standing up for yourself. When they rub your belly rub theirs back and ask when they are due! HaHa, that would be funny!

As far as the comments go, no matter how much weight you have gained, or whether someone thinks you're going to have a whopper or are huge, that is just so inconsiderate to tell you to your face. We (women) have feelings, but I guess when you're pregnant, people completely forget their manners. I'm sorry for their crudeness.

Meg said...

I really think people forget to think before they speak most of the time.....shake off the comments when you can...it will make you feel better. As for the belly rubbing...nice defensive tactics- defend yourself all the way. I think rubbing bellies is weird, especially if unsolicited. Maybe you should close your eyes with the scale and if the doc is concerned, he can tell you.....that way you no longer know the # and according to your doc, everything is looking good - it may help.

niobe said...

I don't get the belly rubbing thing. Why do people think that they can just come up and touch you? Good for you for saying "no way."

Chris said...

Good for you for standing up for yourself!

I didn't make it as far as you are, so I don't have much advice for you other than to mention that most people probably aren't trying to be insensitive boobs. They just can't help themselves and need to grab a clue.

Keep sticking up for yourself!

Kathy V said...

Hi Rachel, I just started reading your blog. My husband and I are still trying to get pregnant. Maybe people think they have a free ride to comment on the bodies of pregnant ladies but I ran into a lady yesterday (at church of all places) who thought she should comment on the outfit I was wearing. She said that my shirt was big enough that maybe I had good news about something happening in there. Real nice Huh. I'm sure your pregnant belly looks beautiful along with the rest of you. Your belly pregnant belly is perfect for you and don't stress out too much about what others think of your size.

Kathy V said...

Hi Rachel, I just started reading your blog. My husband and I are still trying to get pregnant. Maybe people think they have a free ride to comment on the bodies of pregnant ladies but I ran into a lady yesterday (at church of all places) who thought she should comment on the outfit I was wearing. She said that my shirt was big enough that maybe I had good news about something happening in there. Real nice Huh. I'm sure your pregnant belly looks beautiful along with the rest of you. Your belly pregnant belly is perfect for you and don't stress out too much about what others think of your size.