Once the nurses handed little guy to me, I felt my whole being relax. I am still aware that he could be taken from me at any moment, but M and I have gotten to enjoy him so much.
The first day in the hospital that I was alone with our son, I started to cry, I was so sad that our friends M & K and so many others had not gotten a chance to experience the whirlwind that we had. Even when nursing hurt, and I was exhausted from people visiting, and my back was sore, and nurses kept checking the stitches I had in my most private area, it was all worth it.
My days are so different now. I feel so responsible and a strong need to protect this little guy. Every decision I make revolves around him and I would not trade it for the world. I know that all parents believe their child is perfect, but ours really is.
I feel very blessed that I was allowed the opportunity to have a child, I love him with all my heart. He has allowed me to see a whole new side of my husband, a side that makes me love him more than I ever thought possible.
The past year has not been a good year for us, if I could have a “do-over” year, this is the year I would chose. The pain of losing a baby overshadowed the entire year and influenced everything. Only the few weeks preceding the birth of our son began to feel normal. In the end, we were given one of the greatest gifts.
I know that not everyone who experiences a miscarriage will experience the same level of grief that I have had. I am also not naïve enough to think that every person who loses a baby will later have a baby as quickly as I did. I hope that this diary of my experience will give hope to those still seeking to carry a baby home.
Because I am beginning a new stage in my life, I am no longer going to post on this blog. I have another blog, http://www.raspberrychip.blogspot.com/ where I will continue to post my random thoughts, and updates. Since I currently do not have internet access at home, I will try to update it weekly until I have regular internet access again.
Thank you to each of you who has helped me along in my journey. Your comments really helped me to not feel alone.